


unprepared

by Brian_Meow



Series: The mystical ponies series [1]
Category: Sport Horses
Genre: Freeform, Other, Screenplay/Script Format, beanie babies - Freeform, orginalwork
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 15,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brian_Meow/pseuds/Brian_Meow
Summary: Time travel. men falling in love with cars. schengans ensues, as I try to formulate a plot from years of poorly written comics. Turns out that making love with a car isn't exactly a ride down the road.
Relationships: None
Series: The mystical ponies series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640689





	1. Cotton ponies

The title begins with a star wars esque title pan. 

Long ago in the amerdian galaxy, there was an elaborate system of royalty. The amergians were a complex society. We plan to an elaborate looking princess, boxing with a demon. For several millennia, this has been the law. If she loses then she would have to be damned to all of entirety. A horse that plays the same part of john, looks on. Long ago, there was a great conflict between the amergians and other clans. We pan to the atrocities committed. 

Ext. one of the clans. SOMEWHERE IN THE PAST. 

One of the horses is having sexual intercourse with another horse. This is a distant ancestor of Roger. Elsewhere we see returning cast members play the clan members. A map nearby lies on the desk. It is labeled the mother country.” Suddenly the horse sits up. 

Distant ancestor

This feels wrong for some reason. 

Lover

Quiet. 

They resume their love making. SFX of the door slamming open. Daemen arrives, embarrassed. 

DAEMEN

Sorry. 

She looks up. We cut to the horses in bed. We cut back to daemen. We cut back to the horses. The camera runs back and forth. Embarrassed, she closes the door. One of the horses calls back. 

DISTANT ANCESTOR   
  


Knock next time. 

An establishing shot of the lover. Clearly, she isn’t supposed to be here. She looks highly embarrassed as well. The forbidden romance commences as the two embrace in the bed. Embarrassed, the gods, look to themselves. They begin to laugh, in fornication. Sfx of a bed squeaking. Cut back to the two ponies laughing and fornicating. 

Elsewhere, we see that a distant ancestor of the normal critic, a cat, begins to read. Years and years of war and torment have made this land unbearable. The amerigans have not battled for forty years. Daemen, sits at the podium, looking a bit neglected. As part of the amergians, she is not supposed to be part of the throne. This disappoints her. 

Elsewhere, we see the distinct ancestor of syd. He is busy playing the lute. Exhausted, he collapses into a heap. He scurries back into what we presume to be his mother's house. The amerigans, a sophisticated race, have had a long and bloody history. One that includes war. We see an establishing shot, of a fantasy war. One that began millennia, long ago. It has been said that the first of the Ames were descended from the innermost galaxies. That they were essentially space dust. It is unknown from which they came, but is established that they came from an unknown dimension. That the first land was completely naked. That the amergoians were originally displeased with their original creator. That supposedly that the americans were a society that did not believe in gender, for they have an infinite number of genders. That they were originally a race that walked away from the overreaching god, ghaldt, who was the creator of living, and dead. That thousand, and thousands of years ago, there was a god who had become quite disappointed in the amergioans. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.

  1. SHOT OF THE GAS STATION. WE ZOOM IN TO SEE A RANCH LIKE HOUSE.



We cut to a ranch like a house covered with bushes. Next to the ranch like a house is another victorian house. There is a large cornfield next to it. 

LOUISE   
  


This is my house. 

  
  
  


LOUISE

( CALCULATING)   
  


Based on my calculations, Clyde the Clydesdale should have little idea of this location. 

Establishing shot of the road. The road appears naked, almost lost. There is a distant hum. The gray house appears to be on the brink collapse on itself. Harry the cat glares at her. The midwestern highway is dusty. The two characters remain silent. We pan over to the house. The house is a light gray. There are windows boarded up. Pieces of glass are scattered on the ground. Harry turns to the house. Shot of broken wires. A door is shattered into two pieces. Two pieces of duct tape hold it together. It is a victorian farmhouse. The house is two stories high, with the cardboard holding the two windows together. The unnamed pony glances at the house. He goes in. 

LOUISE

No, wait!

She rushes after the pink pony. She apprehensively steps over the broken steps. Cut to the door. Cut back to LOUISE. 

EXT. outside of the gas station. Day

We have introduced to Harold the tapir. He looks at the entrance of the gas station. We hear the wind blowing in the distance. He gives an audible swallow. The camera pans up to the blue sky, which barely has any clouds in it. Offscreen, we hear an old radio, speak of death and destruction. Probably nothing. Cu of a car door opening. Cu of a paw stepping out. Cu of the entrance of the gas station. The camera pans to reveal that the tapir is walking towards the entrance of the gas station, looking for something, presumably cigarettes. 

INT. the gas station

We see a young man, leer behind Harold. The two make some small talk. The young man is portrayed by a horse figurine. The tapir makes his way through the opening of the entrance. Onscreen, music plays on the radio. The tapir continues onward, as so does the camera. We pan to the aisles. The tapir walks through some off them. He does not pay attention to the blood-soaked teenager right behind him. SFX of something dripping. SFX of general ambiance. A pool of blood forms nearby as the teenager walks towards the aisle. He shuffles towards the band-aids. The camera follows his movements. The plastic horse figurine looks at the small number of band-aids. We cut to the blood on his hoof. Bloody footprints are on the floor. No one pays attention to the blood on the linoleum. The teenager grabs some band-aids. very embarrassed. 

  
  


EXT. basement. Day. 

Wide shot of basement. Running. Slam of the door. The small figurine of the horse enters somewhat flustered. Two teenagers stand in the room. Their faces bear concern. The horse begins to wander around. 

CLYDE  
  


Well?

Ecu of the bags that look somewhat suspicious. The two teenagers glance at him, unaware of their visitor. 

LOUISE

I’m not telling you where the pony is. 

CLYDE, now incensed, stomps off. LOUISE, the cat, glances at him. The camera pans to a door. Locked. CLYDE walks over to the locked door. Ecu on the lock. Cu on CYLDE. The camera pans to LOUISE. LOUISE wanders over to CLYDE. LOUISE aims her paws at CYLDE, indicating that he shouldn’t open the door. CLYDE does not turn around. There is shuffling. 

INT. bathroom. Day. 

DAEMEN is sitting in the bathroom. She is reading a newspaper. SFX of a door being smashed into bits. Cu of SYLVIA’s hoof crashing through the door. The camera pans to an art tablet with HAROLD the cat drawn on it. SYLVIA shouts from the outside of the bathroom door. We pan upwards to reveal that she is holding a katana. 

SYLVIA   
  


DAEMEN!

We cut back to DAEMEN who cowers in the bathroom. We pan up to her, covering the newspaper. SYLVIA, ala Kill Bill, glares at her, still holding the katana. 

DAEMEN   
  


What?

SYLVIA   
  


Have you been flirting with HAROLD?

A shot reveals that DAEMEN has been writing poetry, songs about HAROLD. SYLVIA, jealous, of Harold's affections towards DAEMEN, attempt to not rush her with a katana. We cut back and forth with DAEMEN nuzzling HAROLD the tapir. Almost making a sanctuary in her closet. We cut back to SYLVIA, holding the katana. She rushes towards DAEMEN. We cut back and forth between the two fightings. There are blood and gore. CLYDE looks on ghastly. SYLVIA lowers her katana. CLYDE attempts to stop the two, but he watches in shock. We cut back and forth between CYLDE, and SYLVIA trying to bicker. 

CLYDE  
  


SYLVIA, stop!

SYLVIA pants. She holds the katana down, nearly blood covered. We cut back and forth to all of the therapy appointments. SYLVIA holds the katana towards DAEMEN. She points the blade. CU of her face. Cu of her hoof holding the katana. She roars. DAEMEN roars back. SYLVIA rushes towards DAEMEN. 

The scene cuts to black. 

CLYDE   
  


Sylvia, what has gotten into you?

SYLVIA

I don’t know. 

the scene ends. 


	2. showering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvia tries to relax while showering. Clyde, on the other hand, has other ideas...

We cut to SYLVIA in the shower. CLYDE the CLYDESDALE sneaks in. SYLVIA hears the shower curtain opening. She giggles, thinking it’s SYD the Magical PONY. We cut to a CU of a reflective surface. CLYDE the CLYDESDALE moves towards SYLVIA. SYLVIA backs away from CLYDE, almost apprehensively. We cut to CLYDE looking somewhat ashamed in the shower.

CLYDE

So this is how it feels. 

SYLVIA looks at the horse. The Clydesdale moves about somewhat shamefully. The pony looks at her. We cut to the horse's perspective. We cut back to SYLVIA’s perspective. We cut back to CLYDE'S perspective. MS of SYLVIA in the shower. CU of SYLVIA in the shower. The shower water runs behind her. SYLVIA walks apprehensively towards CLYDE. CLYDE reaches out. Beginning to relax, SYLVIA the beige pony begins to slowly reach out. She begins to turn around. As she does so, CLYDE begins to follow her. SYLVIA opens a shampoo bottle. CLYDE softly squeezes her shoulders. SYLVIA does not turn around. She relaxes, indicating that she is allowing him to continue further. 

SYLVIA

How does that feel?

A beat. CLYDE says nothing. He continues to rub her shoulders. cu to CYLDES hooves. 

The scene ends. 


	3. Chapter 3

  * INT. HOUSE. DAY. 



We cut to SYD and LOUISE putting on several pieces of clothing. The sky is blue. The sunbeam cracks through the window. We cut back to Glatucs lying on the inside of the closer. Medium shot of the door opening. SYD does not appear to be pleased with dressing in odd pieces of clothing. Cut back to SYD. 

  * INT. BASEMENT. DAY



We cut to our protagonists walking down the stairs. Cu of different feet, the door opening. Closing. The door slams shut. We cut to our protagonists seemingly working hard at something. 

  * INT. LAB. DAY. 



We cut to our protagonists sans Syd the magical pony. A brief flash. SYD appears disoriented. The two protagonists act frustrated. A slam of the door. SFX of the door opening.

  * INT. STAIRWELL. DAY. 



Our protagonists sulk towards the opening of the closet. We hear offscreen, our protagonists speak. It appears to not be going well. 

LOUISE

WEIRD, I could have sworn that the last transformation worked. 

SYD grunts. 

SYD

At least I have my-

The scene cuts to black. 

LOUISE

What happened?

A beat. He, or rather, she looks at the mirror. A pony wearing a red and white polka dress looks back at him. He jumps back in surprise. 

SYD

AH!

LOUISE

Holy_

GLATCUS, her brother peeks his head in. 

SYD

Don’t look at me!

SFX of punching. GLATICUS lies on the floor. SFX of sobbing. SYD buries his head in his hooves. 

SYD

I don’t want this!

LOUISE

Quit yelling.

SYD

My body doesn’t feel right! I don’t feel right!

LOUISE does not respond to this. We cut to her. We cut back to SYD the magical pony. 

LOUISE

You went into the laser thingy, then you changed-

SYD

My peepee into a sandwich. 

A beat. 

LOUISE

… I was about to say that. 

The two stare at each other. There is another flash of light. SYD moves about a bit. Making sure that everything is in its place. Unaware of the laughter emitting from outside, the two stare at each other. There is an uncomfortable silence. The two shifts a bit. LOUISE produces a worn purple notebook. SYD, begins to calm himself, from another outburst. 

SYD 

Do you collect notebooks?

LOUISE

I keep a diary. I draw comics. 

She produces a notebook. Most of it is drawn scribbles. SYD looks on in amazement. SFX of a doorbell ringing. We cut back and forth to SYD, and LOUISE looking at the notebook. FINALLY, LOUISE looks up. 

LOUISE

Hang on, SYD. 

INT. DOOR. DAY. 

A seal with its eyes gouged out, and a Clydesdale a crop-top, and a leather skirt wait in the opening of the doorway. 

LOUISE

Hello?

The Clydesdale grabs ahold of LOUISEs paw. 

THE CLYDESDALE

Well, hi! We haven’t seen you here before. 

LOUISE

Hi?

THE CLYDESDALE barges into the household. LOUISE politely stands her ground, by not letting the horse move in. 

THE CLYDESDALE

You must be new. I’m guessing your Anne or frank because I have not seen your face before, right?

LOUISE

Louise. We just moved a couple of months ago. 

THE CLYDESDALE

Oh how nice. 

\The Clydesdale moves around, a bit. Pretending not to notice SYD, The Clydesdale wanders around crashing into boxes. She turns around to face LOUISE. She ruffles through her skirt. In an act of goodwill, we cut to a box of cigarettes in her hoof. 

THE CLYDESDALE

Want one?

LOUISE

No thanks. Harold will kill me if he caught me with cigarettes. 

The CLYDESDALE

Harold huh? 

\We cut to Harold the cat outside of the pool. He laughs as ice cubes spill on his back. People are cheering as they film him getting dumped with ice cubes. The Clydesdale wearing nothing but provocative clothing does nothing but watch inside the house. SYD looks at her worried. Pensive, she continues to smoke. LOUISE paces back and forth. 

THE CLYDESDALE

What are they doing, Lauren?

LOUISE

Louise. Could you not smoke in here?

The Clydesdale ignores her. She continues to smoke inside the house. The Clydesdale paces around the house, seemingly in thought. 

THE CLYDESDALE

I asked you a question. 

A beat. 

LOUISE 

They seem to be having fun. You see it’s like a competition to raise awareness for cancer. You dump ice on your back to raise awareness. 

THE CLYDESDALE

And what purpose is that? Is there a point to this? 

LOUISE

You have fun, and you share it on social media.

THE CLYDESDALE

Fun? 

She laughs quite bitterly. THE CLYDESDALE walks around the house. We cut to her looking out the window. 

THE CLYDESDALE

No originality, no creation, just overconsumption of media, that's what you kids these days call fun? 

THE CLYDESDALE

(continued.)

Is having fun being the prisoners of a powerful organization. Aren’t you slaves to the machine? Wake up LOUISE, you live in the world of 1984, of Huxley. You’re asleep to big brother watching you. The government is watching, LOUISE. Do you call being the slaves to the government fun? Is being monitored by the government fun, LOUISE?

  
A beat. 

  
LOUISE   
  
Did you start your period?

  
THE CLYDESDALE

( sighing wearily)

I hope not. 

LOUISE

Why is that?

THE CLYDESDALE   
  


My lower back hurts like hell, though. 

The Clydesdale begins to pace around the room. She looks at the window. She looks at SYD. suddenly as if recognizing something is wrong, ECU of her face. Coming out of nowhere. 

  
THE CLYDESDALE

Period?

We cut to her turning around. 

THE CLYDESDALE

How long does that last?   
  


LOUISE   
  


Seven days. 

THE CLYDESDALE leaves the house. There is a loud slam of the door. The scene ends. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prank calls ensue.

Start scene

INT. Foyer. DAY.

Establishing shot of clearing. A shot of a phone. 

GLATICUS

Ok, ok, Shh.

SFX of a dial tone. 

GLATICUS   
Bonjour, It is zy, we are holding up Antarctica, please give us 10 bucks. 

Guy on phone

Veuillez nous rendre l'Argentine.

Click.

LOUISE gets the phone. 

A dial tone. 

LOUISE   
Is there a Paris tavern?

We pan up to her slowly holding the phone. 

FRENCH SPEAKER   
Ah yes, to whom am I looking for?

LOUISE

Je cherche un bracelet jacque

A beat. 

FRENCH SPEAKER

Je cherche un bracelet jacque! y a-t-il un bracelet jacque!

I am looking for a Jacques strap! Is there a Jacque strap!

There is muffled laughter. LOUISE looks at SYD in the background. Finally, it is SYDs' turn. SYD the magical pony nervously gets up to the phone. SFX of trembling hoof. Cu of his face. Cu of the hoof. Almost trembling. 

SYD

Paris tavern.

He looks around. The two edge him on. He turns back to the phone. 

SYD the magical pony

Yes, I am looking for anita bath?

FRENCH SPEAKER   
Come again?

SYD

est Anita bath dans la taverne avec vous?

( is anita bath in the tavern with you?)

THE FRENCH SPEAKER

oh pour avoir crié à haute voix ... est-ce que anita baigne dans la taverne?

( oh for crying out loud … is anita bath in the tavern?) 

The two start laughing. Flustered sounds are coming from the phone. We cut to our protagonists laughing their butts off. 

FRENCH SPEAKER

Baise ton cul. voyez, personne ne m'écoute. tout le monde me déteste sans raison. c'est pourquoi je me pleure de dormir chaque nuit. Je suis injustement humilié. Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas chez moi? Est-ce pour cela que ma copine m'a quitté? est-ce pourquoi-

-pourquoi tout le monde se moque de moi? ils ne m'écouteront pas. personne n'écoutera un cinglé à dents noires.-

-Screw you asshole. see, no one listens to me. everyone hates me for no reason. this is why I cry myself to sleep every night. I am unfairly humiliated. what's wrong with me? Is this why my girlfriend left me? is this why--

-why does everyone make fun of me? they won't listen to me. no one will listen to a buck-toothed weirdo. -


	5. conscription

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ernst the fox finds that he is conscripted into the army.

Int. City Square. DAY.

Establishing shot of Townsquare. We cut to Ernst, the fox, who has closed up shop. The fox walks out of the city. Outside, we see evidence of a dictatorship. Posters, with angry scribbles, are written. Angry letters. We cut to Ernst walking further down to his house. The fox stares at the door. Ecu of the door. Ecu of ERNST. Cu of the door. Fishwide angle of Ernst peeling off the poster. Cu of the foxes paw. The fox proceeds to read the poster. Ecu of poster. Cu of Ernst. BYC of stormtroopers walking past. Cu of Ernst looking frantically at the letter. How can this be? He looks on with horror. He looks past the guards. Ernst looks again at the poster of conscription. Surely, this can’t be, right? He looks at the stormtroopers. One of them looks at him with disdain.

STORMTROOPER  
You know what that means don’t you?

ERNST  
There has to be some kind of mistake.

STORMTROOPER  
  


No mistake. You’re a pilot.

ERNST opens the door. What will he tell his kids?

Int. house. Night. 

ERNST’s family is eating at the table. ERNST plays with his food, acting very pensive. What is he going to do? We cut back and forth to Ernst and his mother, his father, and his siblings all eating. 

ERNST’s MOTHER  
Something wrong?

ERNST does not answer. He continues to look at his plate. His father and his siblings look at him. We cut to their perspective. ERNST looks up, we cut to his perspective. Fisheye lens. The ambiance begins to grow tense. 

ERNST FATHER  
  


Son. 

ERNST slowly looks up, in anticipation. His movements are very melancholy. He looks down at the floor. 

ERNST

I’m in the air force. 

Int. bedroom. Night

ERNST looks at his bedroom ceiling. We cut to the bedroom ceiling. We cut back to Ernst. We cut back to the bedroom ceiling. 

ERNST

Unbelievable.

We cut to the door opening. ERNST looks up. He looks outside the window. Outside, we see several bodies hanging from a post. We see the city has grown dark, cold. 

ERNST  
  


Years, and years of depression. Who knew it would lead to this? 

We cut back to the outside of his house. We hear the pitter-patter of guns firing in the distance. We hear shouts from the city. We hear people talking in hushed whispers. ERNST notices a stormtrooper walking down the street. He ducks underneath his bedroom window. He hides underneath the still, holding his breath. 

  
  


ERNST

What will I tell my wife? 

A beat. 

ERNST

Hey honey, I’m going off to war. See ya later?

A pause. 

ERNST  
  


What if I ran off? Dressed in some old clothes? Old uniform, they won’t notice me. 

A beat.

ERNST

No! I have to serve my country! For liberation against the giant spiders. 

The scene ends.


	6. louder then words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louise and the horse are speaking. something happens.

Int. Basement. Day. 

The two characters are speaking. 

CLYDESDALE 

Took you long enough.

LOUISE

I had to check my phone. 

CLYDESDALE

Oh sure. 

LOUISE

What does that mean?

CLYDESDALE

Just listen to me. The powers that be-

Her sentence is cut off. She rushes to the bathroom. In pain. We hear a large door slam. Louise the catwalks by the door. concerned. 

LOUISE

What's wrong? 

No response. 

LOUISE

Is everything alright in there?

A wail. A moan comes from inside the bathroom. Strangled. 

CLYDESDALE

Don’t come in!

LOUISE

Should I call someone? 

CLYDESDALE coughs. We see things from her perspective. Fish eyed lens. 

CLYDESDALE

Please don’t come in!

A sob comes from inside the bathroom. She leans over the bathroom sink. 

CLYDESDALE

I swear to-

A large crash. LOUISE the cat crashes the door down. 

LOUISE

Are you ok?

THE CLYDESDALE hovers over the toilet. LOUISE stands in the doorway. She begins to act concerned. 

The scene ends.

INT. BATHROOM. DAY. 

The white seal with its eyes gouged out begins to speak with SYD and LOUISE. 

BLIND SEAL

I don’t believe we met.

LOUISE the cat

( gesturing to SYD the magical pony and herself)

I’m Louise, and this is SYD. he has Aspergers. 

BLIND SEAL

Right.

LOUISE looks around. We see that there is duct tape on the monitors of the computers. The shades although not drawn, appear to be extremely unwelcoming. We pan back to her perspective. 

LOUISE   
  


Haven’t you heard the news?

  
BLIND SEAL   
  


What news?

LOUISE   
  


That there's some virus going around or something. 

BLIND SEAL

Right. 

LOUISE   
  


All I’m saying is that we should be a little more careful,

BLIND SEAL   
  


Let me stop you right there.

The Blind seal continues to speak. She ushers the CLYDESDALE in. The Clydesdale is not wearing any clothes. The blind seal does not notice this. 

LOUISE   
  


Why is she not wearing any clothes?

THE BLIND SEAL

Vera, why might I ask are you not wearing any clothing?

VERA the Clydesdale

I choose not to wear clothes.

LOUISE and SYD look at her in confusion. 

VERA the CYLDESTALE

I didn’t like wearing a leather skirt. 

THE BLIND SEAL does not act as if this is particular in any way or form. 

Later…

VERA The Clydesdale now nude, stands in the doorway.

The blind seal

All I’m saying is that society is living in the matrix. 

Vera the Clydesdale

Are we that free? I ask you-

The blind seal

Disconnected. We’re disconnected. 

We cut to another scene. SYD stands in the middle of a dog kennel. A sheet of wires is all that is keeping him from escaping. Dogs bark all around him. Vera the Clydesdale stands in front of him, expectant. Louise the cat speaks offscreen. 

LOUISE 

Is this necessary? I’m a cat!

SYD paces around the dog kennel, agitated. He paces around some more. Pacing. Suddenly fearful, he cannot stop trotting around the cage. Suddenly we pan out towards the lobby. It is soon shown to him and the audience that he has three choices to escape the kennel. We cut to him climbing through the vents. We cut to him playing along with the master of the kennel, i.e., playing wagging tail, acting obedient. We cut to him biting the master, which results in punishment, i.e death. We cut to him being put down. or consequently, being isolated even further. This is demonstrated by an even tinier cage. The final option, however…

We cut to vera the cyldestale.

VERA   
Escape the kennel. 

Smash cut to the door opening. Smash cut to a commotion. Smash cut to the alarm going off. SFX of the alarm going off. The camera flies by. We see things from Syd's point of view. The mongrels run loose. Amongst this SYD the magical pony rushes out of the room. He quickens his slow trot to full-blown running like the wind. We see alarms going off. People are trying to calm the dogs down. Commotion, which slowly softens as SYD races even further from the dog kennel. We cut to a government lab. SYD runs through the lab, which shocks the government officials. An agent smith-type worker is busy reading a newspaper. Ecu of hooves. Cu of Syd at full-blown racing. The agent, still busy, sips his coffee. When Syd rushes past, the government worker spits his coffee. SYD does not look back at the government agents trying to tackle him. The scenario looks ridiculous from a standpoint. Cu of agents rushing out. Agents running. Jumping, attempting to tackle a pink horse. Cu of the exit. The actual exit. 

SYD

Ah-ha!

He rushes even further. The door crashes open. We pan out to an exterior shot of the 21st century. SYD, a magical pony looks around. An establishing shot of cars driving past the highway. SYD looks around. Instinctively, he runs. The agents chase after him. The scene ends. 


	7. escape!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syd escapes.

INT. BATHROOM. DAY. 

The white seal with its eyes gouged out begins to speak with SYD and LOUISE. 

BLIND SEAL

I don’t believe we met.

LOUISE the cat

( gesturing to SYD the magical pony and herself)

I’m Louise, and this is SYD. he has Aspergers. 

BLIND SEAL

Right.

LOUISE looks around. We see that there is duct tape on the monitors of the computers. The shades although not drawn, appear to be extremely unwelcoming. We pan back to her perspective. 

LOUISE   
  


Haven’t you heard the news?

  
BLIND SEAL   
  


What news?

LOUISE   
  


That there's some virus going around or something. 

BLIND SEAL

Right. 

LOUISE   
  


All I’m saying is that we should be a little more careful,

BLIND SEAL   
  


Let me stop you right there.

The Blind seal continues to speak. She ushers the CLYDESDALE in. The Clydesdale is not wearing any clothes. The blind seal does not notice this. 

LOUISE   
  


Why is she not wearing any clothes?

THE BLIND SEAL

Vera, why might I ask are you not wearing any clothing?

VERA the Clydesdale

I choose not to wear clothes.

LOUISE and SYD look at her in confusion. 

VERA the CYLDESTALE

I didn’t like wearing a leather skirt. 

THE BLIND SEAL does not act as if this is particular in any way or form. 

Later…

VERA The Clydesdale now nude, stands in the doorway.

The blind seal

All I’m saying is that society is living in the matrix. 

Vera the Clydesdale

Are we that free? I ask you-

The blind seal

Disconnected. We’re disconnected. 

We cut to another scene. SYD stands in the middle of a dog kennel. A sheet of wires is all that is keeping him from escaping. Dogs bark all around him. Vera the Clydesdale stands in front of him, expectant. Louise the cat speaks offscreen. 

LOUISE 

Is this necessary? I’m a cat!

SYD paces around the dog kennel, agitated. He paces around some more. Pacing. Suddenly fearful, he cannot stop trotting around the cage. Suddenly we pan out towards the lobby. It is soon shown to him and the audience that he has three choices to escape the kennel. We cut to him climbing through the vents. We cut to him playing along with the master of the kennel, i.e., playing wagging tail, acting obedient. We cut to him biting the master, which results in punishment, i.e death. We cut to him being put down. or consequently, being isolated even further. This is demonstrated by an even tinier cage. The final option, however…

We cut to vera the cyldestale.

VERA   
Escape the kennel. 

Smash cut to the door opening. Smash cut to the commotion. Smash cut to the alarm going off. SFX of the alarm going off. The camera flies by. We see things from SYDs' point of view. The mongrels run loose. Amongst this SYD the magical pony rushes out of the room. He quickens his slow trot to full-blown running like the wind. We see alarms going off. People are trying to calm the dogs down. Commotion, which slowly softens as SYD races even further from the dog kennel. We cut to a government lab. SYD runs through the lab, which shocks the government officials. An agent smith-type worker is busy reading a newspaper. Ecu of hooves. Cu of Syd at full-blown racing. The agent, still busy, sips his coffee. When Syd rushes past, the government worker spits his coffee. SYD does not look back at the government agents trying to tackle him. The scenario looks ridiculous from a standpoint. Cu of agents rushing out. Agents running. Jumping, attempting to tackle a pink horse. Cu of the exit. The actual exit. 

SYD

Ah-ha!

He rushes even further. The door crashes open. We pan out to an exterior shot of the 21st century. SYD, a magical pony looks around. An establishing shot of cars driving past the highway. SYD looks around. Instinctively, he runs. The agents chase after him. The scene ends. 


	8. fixed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone gets fixed.

EXT. CAR. NIGHT. 

We cut to Sylvia driving a car.

SYLVIA  
  


I hope CLYDE isn’t angry about having his testicles removed. 

A flashback. We see her rocking back and forth in her chair in her bedroom, seemingly in self-stimulation. clips from the fence show that she was watching the fence a few hours prior. 

SYLVIA  
  


Oh yeah!

We cut to an image of CYLDE on her computer. We cut to her about to use tissues. Before anything unsavory happens, we flashback to CYLDE, who has woken up in bed. CLYDE appears somewhat drugged. now drugged, the horse pulls out of the bed. 

CLYDE

Eh??  
CLYDE reaches down before we reveal anything, we cut to SYLVIA’s phone ringing. A beat. She turns off the radio. 

CLYDE

( Offscreen)

SYLVIA, where is my male genitalia? Do you have any idea how it feels to wake up every morning and hate myself, now?

A beat. 

SYLVIA  
( quietly)

CLYDE, calm your tits. 

Another beat. 

  
CLYDE begins to stammer angrily. 

CLYDE

You- you 

SYLVIA  
You thought I was stupid, couldn’t understand metaphors, didn’t ya?

CLYDE

I’LL KICK YOUR ARSE SO HARD THAT YOU’LL LAND INTO NEXT TUESDAY. 

SYLVIA

Aw, poor baby, are ya wading into the crimson tide?

CLYDE

SYLVIA!  
  
We cut to CLYDE hiding in the bedroom. She isn’t going outside for a long time. 

CLYDE

Sylvia, I'm not joking here. I’m not leaving the house unless I get fixed. 

A beat. We hear CLYDE begin to stammer. We hear sobbing offscreen. SYLVIA looks at the road, seemingly satisfied. A click on the other end. 

SYLVIA

Well now CYLDE gets it.

A final shot of Clyde is that of the horse lying on the floor. The horse appears to be holed up in a cocoon. The door is locked. the door is held up by a chair. We cut to CYLDE, curled up on the bed, sobbing.

we cut to black. 

SAM knocks on the door of clydes bedroom. CLYDE looks up from the cocoon of blankets. She doesn’t open the door. 

SAM  
Sylvia wants you to come out. 

CLYDE opens the door. 

SAM

( out of nowhere)

So that's what it looks like. 

CLYDE angrily slams the door. SFX of a door slam. LOUISE appears, knocking on the door. She raps the door. 

LOUISE the brown cat

C’mon man.

SAM THE PENGUIN  
Your not making this easy for us. 

CLYDE 

Leave me alone!

We hear her sobbing from the other side of the door. SAM and LOUISE leave. CLYDE stays in her room. To quell her sobbing, CLYDE begins to pick out several war films. Some of which are black and white ( think the late 30s to 1940s). Cut to the opening of the DVD cover. We see footage of a red fox, in uniform. An explosion on-screen occurs. The fox runs away. We pan to the fox upstairs cooking something. Another explosion occurs on screen. The red fox shouts. Still hiding in the covers, CLYDE begins to watch the film intently. As if watching war movies, or rather documentaries provide some comfort to the situation. SAM the penguin sneaks into the doorway. CLYDE doesn't notice him. 

SAM

( soft-spoken)

You know, maybe you were right about the society being a so-called dystopia. 

  
  


The scene ends.


	9. a dream ensues.

Basement. 

An establishing shot of the two. SAM and CLYDE are now sleeping on the bed, the television turned off. The position is not supposed to be sexual, rather two friends being drunk. The door is closed. SFX of snoring. We close in on sam sleeping…

INT. HOUSE FOYER. NIGHT

We cut to a worn-down house. Inside, a party, (an actual party with booze, and electronic music and such) A very well known entertainer walks by SAM. The room is well lit. People are dancing, and drinking from cups. SAM is lying on a bunk bed. A new character, a comedian, tugs at SYD. THE COMEDIAN, walks towards SAM, rather suggestively. SAM looks up. He climbs down the bunk bed. 

INT. THE BATHROOM. NIGHT. 

We cut to thrashing on the shower. The two begin to make love, while the party goes on. Sweet, sweaty love. The music thrashes on.

EXT. THE BACKYARD. DAWN

Establishing shot of the sun rising. We cut to inside the house.

  
  
  
  


INT. FOYER. MORNING

SAM explores the house. Evidence of a crime scene is evident. There is blood everywhere. 

SAM

What happened here? 

COMEDIAN 

Don’t worry about it. 

THE comedian begins to clean up the mess. Underneath the car, a dead body stares back at SAM. SAM pulls the body from underneath the car. There is a general grunt emitting from SAM. his parents have not come home yet. 

SAM 

( dropping the body)

What’s going on?

THE COMEDIAN

Don’t worry about it.

We cut back to SAM'S House. SAM the penguin's parents have arrived. Screaming ensues. Thumps. Crashes. 

EXT. SURREAL LANDSCAPE. 

We cut back to a different scene. Police cars arrive on the scene. Sam closes his eyes. SAM is covered in what we assume to be his parent's blood. Everyone in the house lies dead. A gunshot. Cut to black. We fade in. SAM opens his eyes. We pan around to what appears to be a surreal landscape. It appears to be in the countryside. 

INT. FOYER. DAY.

We pan out. 

EXT. Countryside. DAY. 

Outside appears to have a concert hall. People are walking out, talking to one another. SAM walks out of the blood-soaked house. He looks around. Outside a band begins to play. He continues to examine the new area. We pan closer. SAM walks amongst the crowd. The people talk amongst themselves. Clyde walks amongst the crowd. Unnoticed, he walks amongst the crowd. SAM looks at CLYDE. He looks at the pool behind him. CLYDE nods and walks closer. SAM allows the mare to walk closer. We cut back to the pool. We cut back to sam. We look at CLYDE. We cut back to SAM. We cut back to SAM. we cut back to the pool. We cut to CLYDE. WE cut to SAM. we cut to Clyde. WE cut to SAM. WE cut to CLYDE. We cut to the band. The band continues to play. CLYDE is extremely close to SAM. CLYDE allows him to get close to the pool. CLYDE wanders near the pool. SAM walks closer to CLYDE. CLYDE FALLS into the pool. SAM wakes up in a pool of sweat. 

THE SCENE ENDS.


	10. Chapter 10

Narrator

I’m supposed to create something. What am I supposed to create?

  
SYD   
How about you-

His sentence is cut off as he looks out the window.

SYD the magical pony

Oh! A butterfly!

He runs outside. We cut back to the narrator and CYLDE speaking. In the background, Syd is happily chasing a butterfly. In the foreground, Cylde is speaking. 

CLYDE

Create. Create something. 

In the background, SYD the magical pony backs up. He begins to walk away from something very slowly. A cloud of bees follows him. 

Narrator

How?

CLYDE   
  


C’mon, the world is burning to the ground, big brother is watching you, and we live in a glorified dog kennel. You must think of something. 

In the background, SYD continues to run away from the cloud of bees. The cloud of bees is replaced by chainsaw welding bears on unicycles. SYD yells. He pounds on the window. 

CLYDE

Create. Don’t consume the media. Create media, not consume media. 

In the background, SYD pokes the chainsaw-welding bears on unicycles with a guitar. The bears on unicycles do not like this. SYD puts his guitar on his back. He canters away from the chain of bees, and bears. 

CLYDE

C’mon. 


	11. Chapter 11

The NARRATOR begins to speak. 

NARRATOR   
Morning, the cry of the rooster makes its call. 

THE narrator looks around. CLYDE is trying to hit on SYLVIA. SYD looks at CYLDE in mild interest. 

CLYDE

You’re looking quite nice. 

SYD leans over on the table. Very awkwardly, he is trying to woo the female Clydesdale. 

SYD   
You’re very nice looking. 

CLYDE stops flirting. She looks at SYD. in an attempt to woo the Clydesdale, the pink pony puts his hoof on the table. 

SYD

Want to go downstairs? 

CYLDE looks offscreen. 

THE NARRATOR

Here, we have a mating session commencing. 

CLYDE   
Ew! No! SYD!   
  


SYD starts laughing hysterically. He leaps off the table. CLYDE responds by tossing several plates at him. 

SYD   
Haha!   
  
CLYDE responds by getting angrier. He proceeds to laugh. Several more plates are tossed. 

CLYDE   
Ew! No! Not you!

There is a general ruckus going on. SYD leaves the room. 

SYD   
Lesson learned.

The scene ends. 


	12. Chapter 12

SYLVIA 

(V.O. )

Let's start at the beginning. 

  * **INT. BASEMENT LAB**



We cut to the two siblings looking on as her brother works on something. It is a balmy September. Her brother, the BEIGE PONY. 

SYLVIA

In approximately one day, I will start my freshman year. It will be four months since my fourteenth birthday. In approximately four years and four months, I will meet the criteria for depression. But now let’s focus on breaking very important time travel laws. 

THE BEIGE PONY

SYLVIA, no. 

In the background, SYLVIA walks off dejectedly. She carries a net intending to kidnap counterculture musicians. She intends to lose her virginity this summer dammit. 

  
  


SYLVIA

Please? 

BEIGE PONY   
No. 

SYLVIA

Please?

  
BEIGE PONY

No. 

SYLVIA   
Please?

Her brother gets up, aggravated. 

BEIGE PONY 

Fine!

He pulls off the sheet revealing a fancy looking refrigerator. His sister looks confused. 

  * **INT. Kitchen**



We cut to who we presume to be their father who is looking baffled at the new looking refrigerator. 

The BEIGE PONY and SYLVIA look at the photographs. We presume that SYLVIA has been looking at them as a form of getting sexual tension out. She stares at the photographs rather fixedly. 

BEIGE PONY/ SYLVIA

Hmm. 

A montage ensues. We cut to the two preparing for the cloning process. Excitedly. Finally, the beige pony produces a photograph of SYLVIAs source of asexual tension, which happens to be a yak. SYLVIA claps excitedly. We cut to more penetration, er preparation. Cut to more prep. SFX of beeping. Yawning. 

SYLVIA   
  


When is it coming out?

THE BEIGE PONY

Not soon enough. 

Hours later the clone of the yak stands in an icicle. This is soon corrected by a hairdryer. We pan to a plugin a socket. We cut to dripping water. We cut back to the plug. A drop of water drips on the cord…

Cut to black. 

SYLVIA

What happened?

BEIGE PONY

The power- 

He scoffs slightly. 

BEIGE PONY   
The power went out!

Offscreen, we hear SYLVIAs father yell out for his children in a sort of not- panic. 

SYLVIA'S FATHER/ BEIGE PONYS FATHER   
Uhh, guys, my war documentaries have gone out, and my beers went warm! There better be a good explanation for this!

We cut to the two siblings carrying off the yak. A flashlight flashes amongst the screen. Onscreen, SYLVIAs father, who appears mostly unhappy with the two making ruckus in the basement. We cut to SYLVIAs brother in drag. The power flicks back on. Now confused at his son's sexual confusion, ( and hoping it’s just a phase), he stomps back upstairs, grumbling about his son's transvestism. SYLVIA’s brother tears off the wig. 

THE BEIGE PONY

What's the matter with you? 

SYLVIA yanks him offscreen. We cut to the two walkings to the spare bedroom. 

  1. INT. SPARE BEDROOM



We cut to the sleeping yak who slumbers offscreen. We cut to an ECU of a taser. We cut to the sleeping yak. We cut to the yak slipping off the bed. He gets back up, disoriented. 

YAK

Where am I?

SYLVIA, out of nowhere, begins to speak up. 

SYLVIA

Welcome to the future!

We cut to the yak fainting. 

SYLVIA   
Augh!

A splash of cold water. Cut to the face of the watch, whom we presume to belong to THE BEIGE 

PONY. 

THE YAK   
Mmph!

Both SYLVIA and the YAK look at the splasher, offended. 

THE YAK/ SYLVIA   
What was that for?

The BEIGE PONY shrugs. 

Furious, the yak rushes out the storm door. We cut to the backyard, which appears to be a barren cornfield. We cut back to the yak. We pan up to the yak, which reveals a sharp bright dot on his forehead. THE BEIGE PONY aims at the yak with a rifle. 

THE BEIGE PONY 

Don’t move. 

SYLVIA runs up to him. 

SYLVIA 

No, don’t!

Her brother shrugs and rolls his eyes. We cut to the three talking onscreen. 

THE BEIGE PONY

So in late 1981, you get killed-

The yak rushes out the storm door. We cut back to the two reacting to the slam of the door. The slam of the door also attracts the grandmother and the two siblings' father. 

GRANDMOTHER   
Who left the storm door open?

SYLVIA

I did.

GRANDMOTHER admonishes her for this. We cut to black. 

We cut to SYLVIA who happens to not own a license for owning a motorcycle. Having little experience with driving motorcycles, she drives somewhat awkwardly. It should be mentioned at this point that she is underage, and illegally riding a motorcycle. We cut to a past event. 

_ SYLVIA'S serenade.  _

_ I rode a motorcycle _

_ On the back of a man _

_ who was not my father _

_ It was four miles _

_ I was only eight _

_ The sun broke in  _

_ The men back, sweaty _

_ A picture-perfect family,  _

_ Torn,  _

_ smashed,  _

_ broken,  _

_ For only four miles _

_ At night, the cigarette light grew dim,  _

_ The plush toys became alive _

_ The ceiling reeks of tobacco _

_ Perhaps this was my vice, _

_ Of staying past eight _

We cut back to SYLVIA walking outside of the suburbia. She is now outside of the countryside. It has been a long ride. We cut to the yak. We cut back to SYLVIA. Weary from the long ride, she wanders over to the yak. We see SYD the magical pony. Overcome with excitement, he rushes over to SYLVIA. 

SYD the magical pony

Is that who I think it is?

He looks at the yak. 

SYLVIA/ SYD the magical pony   
Jack the yak?

Seemingly overwhelmed with jealousy, she protectively pulls the semi-dead body of the yak. 

SYLVIA

Well, he’s mine. 

SYD the magical pony cocks his head. He looks confused, a little hurt. 

SYD 

Can I have him? 

SYLVIA   
No. 

SYD

We like the same musician. 

A beat. 

SYLVIA

Ah, so we do. 

she pulls out a notebook. SYD looks on in amazement. Less afraid now, she wanders over to SYLVIA. 

SYD

Do you collect notebooks? 

SYLVIA   
Yes. 

SYD   
So do I. 

SYD/ SYLVIA

You don’t even drive? 

SYLVIA   
You don’t drive?

SYD

No. 

A beat. The two look at each other. Syd pulls off her pants. 

SYD

Want to make out?

SYLVIA   
I would love to, but I’m too busy becoming a hermit. 

SYD

Ah, so am I!   
  


The scene ends.


	13. to the 60s!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time-traveling ensues.

Int. basement. Day. 

  1. Basement



We cut to the two siblings mischievously plotting something. Or rather Sylvia, who is rubbing her hands together. We cut to a finger pushing the button of what appears to be a time machine. 

EXT. OUTDOORS. NIGHT. 

  1. Outdoors. England. 1969. 



We cut to the two siblings walking in the park. It is a relatively nice day outside. The sun is bright. The birds are chirping. We hear the distant hum of a cityscape. A couple consisting of a tiger, and a catwalk nearby. JOHN, who we assume to be Sylvia's younger brother, pats her shoulder as he looks on at the loving couple. SYLVIA, on the other hand, looks around, overwhelmed by the stimuli. JOHN, her younger brother rushes by the couple. Offscreen, we see the couple and JOHN converse. SYLVIA shields her eyes from the overwhelming heat. Now a stranger in a strange land, she has no idea how to hold down a conversation without relying on looking at the ground. Or for that matter relying on the addictive forces of the internet. Unfortunately, there’s no wifi. Now facing withdrawal from the lack of internet, she begins to experience tunnel vision. She passes out underneath the cool dark shadow of the tree. In the background, we see the tiger being beaten up by JOHN, who appears to have made off with his glasses. Someone, presumably one of his friends, lunges towards him. SYLVIA closes her eyes. A shadow looms over her. SYLVIA opens an eye. A Clydesdale, well dressed, stares back at her. 

The CLYDESDALE jogs her awake. SYLVIA responds by turning over. She grumbles underneath her breath. The Clydesdale apprehensive begins to shake her shoulder. SYLVIA responds to this by jolting awake. Clydesdale is a little shocked by her fast reaction.

SYLVIA

Don’t touch me.

As if thinking for a moment, she quickly changes her statement. 

SYLVIA

Please, don’t wake me up like that. I have this thing-

She cuts herself off as if to realize that the horse in the nice leather pants, will not understand what she’s talking about. If she prattles further, the horse will probably send her to an institution on the grounds for infantile madness... 

CLYDESDALE

Do you have sensitive shoulders? 

As if realizing she has said too much, SYLVIA nods. The CLYDESDALE looks at her. Not in an amusing manner, but rather in thought. 

THE CLYDESDALE

You’re a mad hatter, aren’t you?

SYLVIA begins to panic. Without thinking, she blurts out random words. 

SYLVIA

Yes!

She thinks for a moment. She starts stuttering rather nervously. JOHN notices the commotion. He wanders over to the two talking. 

JOHN the horse

What’s going on?

SYLVIA 

Uh...

Sylvia's cheeks grow red as if to store heat. Becoming rather flustered, she gestures over to JOHN. JOHN quickened his pace. SYLVIA begins to breathe more rapidly. In a state of panic, she begins to self soothe by rubbing her greasy hair. She closes her eyes and begins to mutter french phrases underneath her breath. Her body is rather stiff underneath the tree. The Clydesdale stares at her. 

JOHN the horse

SYLV, did something happen?

SYLVIA

He touched me!

THE CLYDESDALE looks shocked at this. 

CLYDESDALE

What? 

JOHN turns, incensed at Clydesdale. He lunges towards CLYDESDALE. He turns around to look at SYLVIA. 

JOHN 

Is he a nazi?

SYLVIA nods at this. THE CLYDESDALE looks horrified at this. 

CLYDESDALE

I am not anti-semite!

We cut to JOHN the horse. He lunges towards the Clydesdale, ready to fight. The Clydesdale emits a screech that is inhumane sounding. JOHN looks at the camera, ( and to an extent the invisible audience). 

JOHN

We should run. 

SYLVIA 

Good plan. 

We cut to the metallic slam of the door. Inside we stare at the door. The two siblings look on, as the Clydesdale bangs on the interior of the time machine. SYLVIA punches the numbers of the door as the Clydesdale rather aggressively shouts out metaphors. SYLVIA confused glances at JOHN, who shakes his mane. 

THE CLYDESDALE

The powers that be are lying to you! You’re living a lie, I tell you a lie! 

A flash of light. We cut to black. 


	14. Chapter 14

**INT. Farmhouse basement. Day.**

The basement appears quite destroyed. There is stuff everywhere, i.e papers scattered mercilessly on the floor. There is a scene of hilarity ensuing with the BEIGE PONY chasing after the Yak. SYLVIA looks on at the shattered glass. 

SYLVIA looks at the camera. 

SYLVIA   
Ya know, maybe if father didn’t dismiss my problems, “you'll be fine, or you don’t need that much help.. I probably wouldn’t have been so emotionally stunted.

She looks around the room. 

SYLVIA   
  


Fuck me. I’m already a dumbass. 

SYLVIA begins to pick up the glass pieces. There is shouting in the distance. SYLVIA does not listen to her brothers complaints. She continues to pick up glass, unprotected. 

SYLVIA 

Maybe I’m just born a dumbass. 

She looks at the stairs. The stairs look back at her menacingly. 

SYLVIA

(To self)

Wouldn’t be so hard to toss myself down the stairs you know.

She continues to look around the basement. She begins to pick up a shard of glass. She looks at it reflectively. 

SYLVIA   
  


Fuck me, what's the point of living?

She puts it down. 

The scene ends. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a playdate goes wrong.

SYD is in the basement. She grins mischievously, as the Beige pony is looking at SYD and SYLVIA in mild concern. SYLVIA glances at SYD. SYD looks at both of them. The beige pony reveals another contraption. The two look on in awe. 

BEIGE PONY

Behold the age ray!

The two scramble for the yak. Syd is pulled in the contraption. Once in the contraption, Syd looks around nervously as she is trapped in the machine. The beige pony pushed some buttons. The machine begins to fill with smoke. Syd gives a yell. There is a knock at the door. SYLVIA’s name is called offscreen. 

** 2\. Ext. the door. Day.  **

SYLVIA opens the door. There stands the Clydesdale. Her appearance should be sticking out like a sore thumb. Her grandmother is prattling on about how the two will make great friends. The Clydesdales dress should be somewhat awkward, like the late 50s ish. Her grandmother, a boomer, does not notice the odd appearance. The Clydesdale is quickly emoting two different emotions. One is that you don’t accuse me of antisemitism and get away with it: in short, she is giving Sylvia a death glare. Another is fake pleasantries. She is smiling and nodding. 

** 3\. Ext. The backyard. DAY.  **

There is a large backyard in the back of the house. The two girls are chatting up a storm. 

CLYDESDALE

Well, your name is ugly.

SYLVIA shrugs at this pitiful attempt at an insult. 

SYLVIA 

That’s an insult? Are you on your period?

CLYDESDALE

Beg your pardon?

SYLVIA

Your period- 

She sighs to herself. Flustered, she walks around the backyard. In the center is a large swimming pool. She walks to the bonfire pit. She shakes her head, unsatisfied, with the answer. The backyard is no ordinary backyard, as it is placed in the smack dab of nowhere. One side is a run-down house, on the other is a field razed of corn. Next to the pool, to the far left is a series of woods. 

SYLVIA

How’d you find me, Clyde?

CLYDE 

You left your address book on the bench. 

SYLVIA

Right. 

Clyde smirks at this. In her hand is a wire hanger. 

CLYDE

Want to play a game? 

SYLVIA

What game? 

We cut to a video screen. SYD is losing at this game. She sighs. Now 28 years old, the age of the Beige Pony, she slumps on the couch. Being a decade older, her clothes are ill-fitting, as her pants are considerably tighter. 

SYD

Is this type of- erm. Entertainment?

THE BEIGE PONY

What?

SYD 

Do you seriously play these games all day? 

THE BEIGE PONY is fixed on the game. He grunts as an answer. 

SYD

Now, what do I do?

THE BEIGE PONY

Considering you don’t have a state ID, or a driver's license yet, essentially nothing. 

SYD

Want some beer? 

** 4\. EXT. THE BACKYARD. DAY.  **

CLYDE is manically gesturing towards SYLVIA. 

CLYDE

I need you to kill me. 

SYLVIA

What?

CLYDE

None of this is real, SYLVIA. All of this is a product of a force greater than yours, c’mon hit me with the wire hanger.

SYLVIA

I don’t know. 

Her hands grip the wire hanger. She looks at him rather nervously. 

CLYDE

I am the one, SYLVIA. 

We cut to SYLVIA backing up to the pool. The mid-august air is causing her to sweat a bit. She swats the mosquitoes with the wire hanger in her hand. 

CLYDE

I’m free SYLVIA. You’re all slaves to the machine. 

SYLVIA appears unnerved by this. CLYDE advances somewhat menacingly. As in a desperate act of defense, she swats the wire hanger at her. 

SYLVIA

Stay back!

SFX of thumping. Clyde does not react to getting hit with a wire hanger. Instead, she yanks it from SYLVIA. The two proceed to wrestle on the ground. In another desperate attempt at getting her off, SYLVIA kicks her in the breasts. CLYDE falls into the mud pit. 

Offscreen Syd speaks. 

SYD

Stop.

The two do not heed her voice. Instead of fighting physically, the two begin to scream at each other. Syd tries to intervene but is pushed away. SYD backs off. Their facial expressions are confusing and jarring. The two begin to become louder, and more aggressive. 

CLYDE

Holy shit. You’re even more  _ oppositional _ then I thought. 

The scene ends with CYLDE running out of the backyard. CLYDE quietly sobbing. We cut to the Beige pony with his cellular device. 

BEIGE PONY

Airstrike at ( retracted address). 

AGENT 

Target acquired. 

Offscreen we hear an explosion. Several screams of terror follow the large plum of smoke. Syd emerges, having changed back to her normal age. The Beige pony chugs a beer while watching the smoke wafting from the horizon. He grins, satisfied that CLYDE is now destroyed. SYLVIA emerges from the crater that is created in the field. Outside, we hear the wail of the firetruck. Neighbors are walking outside of the farmhouse. No one is concerned about the minor who has acquired the use of an M-16. 

We see the end of the scene. 

The beige pony

SYLVIA, how’d you get CLYDE to run out of the backyard like that? 

SYLVIA grins. SYD looks mildly confused. 

SYLVIA

Oh, that was easy. I told Cylde that her dad’s absence was completely her fault. I also told her that she deserved to live alone. That nothing in her life was going to change, and that she was going to be stuck working in some cubicle in Michigan worshiping her Lord and savior who happens to be an ancient musician, as a way to fill the void that was caused by trauma caused by parental neglect. 

The scene ends. 


	16. Chapter 16

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE. NIGHT. 

Pitter patter. We hear the pitter-patter of feet. A young girl, wearing a bright red sweatshirt and jeans, runs across the dimly lit parking lot. A blur. SFX of something being hit. We lookup. We see a hunky young man, trying to comfort her. The woman continues to cower, looking back and forth as if chased. 

MAN   
  


Whoa, whoa, what’s wrong?   
  


The woman, who has tear-streaked cheeks, looks up in horror. She points, looking quite frightened. 

MAN   
  


Are you being followed?   
  


The woman, turns around, acting highly agitated. 

WOMAN   
Thataway! 

MAN   
Wait for what? 

He raises his eyebrows in speculation. The woman, clutching his arms, begins to whine, and looks out at the dimly lit parking lot. 

WOMAN

There's a red 1952 fury following me!

Acting very dizzy, she clutches his arm. Her tender breasts caress his arm. She collapses into his arms, moaning sexually. Taking a breath she corrects herself, her moans become more primal, fearful even. She hides into his arms, looking back and forth at the parking lot. Ominous, there is no car. She looks at the man, almost expecting him to do something. 

  
  
  


MAN

Oh, I get it. It's like a little thing before the horror marathon begins. I’ll bite. 

The woman acts confused. He proceeds to nudge her. 

MAN

Oh no! It’s that car!

He shoots her an incredulous glance. The woman, having appeared to be done up, smiles at him, almost knowingly. We cut to a medium-sized brown sedan. He enters the vehicle, appearing focused on getting to the theatre. He gives the well-dressed woman a final nod. 

  
MAN

Listen, I’ll see you around miss. 

He drives off. The woman who is sweating quite a bit from hyperventilating looks off at the car. As if in the wrong place and time, she watches the headlights gradually dim into the horizon. The car makes a turn, then disappears. A razor smile forms at her lips as her mood changes from that of a victim to that of a prankster. We cut back to her looking at the parking lot. She glances at the clock. The time reads 10:00. She lets out a drunken laugh. 

WOMAN   
MOTHERFUCKER! HA!

Her laughter is very broken. Then her laughter deepens into pitch, to the point it sounds like a man is chuckling. Her facial expression changes, shifts like clay. Her face becomes very sharp, her body becoming rough. She continues to laugh, almost hysterically. The laughter is not silly, but rather mannish, unfeminine. In short, it not a woman laughing, but rather a man. 

We cut to black. Four headlights dim in the distance. We cut to inside the movie theatre. A couple is kissing on screen. We cut to a young man looking quite peckish. The next shot of the man is on the floor dead. He looks up ominously. The film ends. the lights in the theatre go up. intermission The man looks at the schedule, “ Possessed college grad students to stab each other in the ominous cabin, will be showing at 10:30.” his phone vibrates frantically. He picks up the flip phone. He reads the text message. A message reads, Bob this is Beckie Sue. meet me outside of the movie theatre. Now.” now sexually aroused, he runs out of the theatre. We cut to outside of the theatre. 

EXT. LOT. Night. 

We cut to Bob looking at an old car. From the mid-50s. Admiring it, he walks around the car. A note lies on the windshield. He picks it up. 

BOB   
Dear BOB, I have skipped town with a lover. It is for the best. Ps don’t touch my car. 


	17. Bob learns a lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob learns a lesson about opening letters. Also don't cheat on your girlfriend.

Disregarding the letter, BOB enters the car. 

INT. CAR. NIGHT. 

Bob is inside the vehicle. Very sensually, almost sexually, he begins to stroke the inside of the car. He closes the door. Outside, the parking lot is eerily quiet. 

BOB

Oh my Becky Sue, my love for you. I’ve had memories for you. 

Suddenly, as if realizing something, he jerks his head up. The car is quiet. 

BOB

Who’s Becky sue?

The door of the car door slams shut. BOB reaches over to unlock the car door. He jiggles the lock. Nothing. He yanks on the door handle. The door handle is locked. 

BOB

C’mon, c’mon.

He bangs on the window. Inside, his cries for help are unheard inside the metallic death trap. 

BOB

Help! Help!

Behind him the car seat gives away, crushing his body. Tries to escape. It is as if all machines in the vehicle are attacking him. All gears are going after him. With a loud thump, he is squished in the car mirror. He resembles a whitening zip. The car seat reclines. He collapses on the car seat. Inside the car, loud music from the 1950s is playing. To the outsider, it resembles a couple having intercourse. A man outside is walking by. The car door slams shut. As if perceiving the sexual encounter, the man walks away in a fast manner, embarrassed. 

Offscreen, we hear the wail of the ambulance. A crowd looks on, horrified, at the sight of the mangled man. As the man is pulled away, he writhes, in pain. 

BOB

The car is alive! The car is alive!

He has pulled away, the crowd oohs and aahs at the sight. There is general dispersion. Muttering about that poor man. An ambulance wails in the distance. The man is pulled into the ambulance. The doctors yank him inside. The man collapses inside the ambulance as the doctors sedate him. We cut to the ambulance driving off. We cut to the inside of the ambulance. Inside, there is an attendant. Next to him, is a sharply dressed man. An agent if you will. 

Attendant

Did they see us?

The agent does not answer. Instead he grunts. The sharply dressed man pulls out his phone. 

INT. MOVIE THEATRE. NIGHT. 

Inside we hear a teenage couple commence. The boy puts his arms around who we presume to be his girlfriend. They smile at the movie. 

INT. MOVIE THEATRE PARKING A LOT. NIGHT. 

Outside of the theatre, it is a crisp night. Softly, we see a teenage girl walk towards the Volkswagen. We hear the swift crunching of the bushes. Shifting in the branches. The camera pans closer. The girl walks closer to her car. She turns around. Outside, a head emerges from the bushes. Now intrigued, the girl walks closer to the head in the bushes. The head belongs to that of a nude woman. She rushes out of the bushes, having gone through some trauma. 

WOMAN

Do you have clothing?

TEENAGE GIRL

Oh, you poor thing! Here is a towel…

Her sentence is not finished. We cut to black. 

INT. MOVIE THEATRE. NIGHT.

The couple is speaking. 

GIRLFRIEND

Did you like the movie?

BOYFRIEND

Eh. it was awesome. 

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE PARKING LOT. NIGHT. 

The couple lies outside of the movie theatre. The girlfriend shivers, beckoning the male to come closer. Her lover sits awkwardly. In a buzz-killing move, he does not offer his arm. 

THE GIRLFRIEND

What's the problem? 

LOVER

It’s my dad. He doesn’t like you very much. He thinks your a terrible influence. 

The girlfriend grabs his arm. 

THE GIRLFRIEND

Honey… .. come here...

The couple begins to embrace. The two lovers proceed to take off their clothing with their feet. The two lovers writhe and moan on the park bench. The two lovers are kissing, slobbering over each other.  A woman's voice cries out. The two lovers stop making love on the park bench. The woman, who is dressed rather uncomfortably, watches nearby. The Lover's girlfriend jerks up from the bench. 

THE GIRLFRIEND

I can’t believe you!

THE LOVER

I swear this isn’t what it looks like!

The girlfriend runs from the bench. We hear a loud wail coming from her. There is a slam of the car door. Still crying, she still looks at the bastard of her lover. She gives him the finger, then continues to sob wildly. 

INT. CAR. NIGHT. 

The girl turns on the radio. An angry punk song emits from the radio. Still sobbing from that bastard of a boyfriend. The car revs, really loudly. She puts her head on the steering wheel. 

RADIO ANNOUNCER

Now, for flec thy boyfriend, by marlior orin!

_ We were like a blast _

_ Then like some little spaz _

_ Some demon ripped my heart out into bits _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Fleck off my boyfriend _

_ Fleck off my boyfriend _

_ Fleck off my boyfriend _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Feel the heat _

_ Feel the hate _

_ Feel the hunger _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it  _

_ Just do it _

_ Feel the nothingness _

_ Feel the self-loathing _

_ Feel the silence _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Sleep six hours _

_ Walk around _

_ Rinse, repeat _

_ Live among the walking dead _

_ Live in the cemetery _

_ Live in the museum.  _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Flec my boyfriend _

_ Flec my boyfriend _

_ Flec my boyfriend _

_ Walk like a punching bag _

_ Walk around the hoards of zombies _

_ Walk around as if your dead _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Embrace the nothingness _

_ Embrace the silence _

_ Embrace the coldness _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Feel the pencil by your ear _

_ Feel the winds of despair _

_ Feel the cold shame  _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Feel the trembling of your legs underneath the table _

_ Feel your life growing shorter and shorter _

_ Feel your life growing dimmer and dimmer _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Just do it _

_ Feel the crowd watching the whore _

_ See the crowd watch  _

_ Watch her pull the trigger _

The song ends. The girl pulls her head up from the steering wheel. The car drives off. The man looks at the woman wearing uncomfortable clothing. 

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE. NIGHT

A film about a killer car from the fifties plays on the screen. The car revs ominously. Watching the car revving up, the girl watches in mild delight. She grabs the man's arm. Suddenly, she stands up. 

GIRL

I have to go. 

BOYFRIEND

Hey that's fine. 

The female walks off. He continues to watch the movie. 

BOYFRIEND

Wait a second, that woman leaves every time that car kills someone. Perhaps she is afraid of killer death machines from the 1950s? 

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE. NIGHT

The boyfriend watches the woman in the parking lot. The parking lot is still with no noise at all. The seductive seductress waggles her finger at the boyfriend. 

BOYFRIEND

Sarah lee? 

The parking lot is still. The woman does not respond to the man's question. She continues to smirk at him awkwardly. She takes off her shirt. She rips off her bra. The bra flutters to the ground. The man looks at the bra. A woman screams from the bushes. The man's head swivels around. 

BOYFRIEND

What the? Sarah lee? Then whos-

SARAH LEE

She stole my clothes, my identity, and my dignity!

The boyfriend rushes to SARAH LEE. He holds her in his arms. SARAH LEE should be naked. He reaches his hand across her bosom. The two look at each other. Then they look at the impersonator. The parking lot has gone dark. 

BOYFRIEND

Where are you?

The parking lot is dark. No sign of car or girl. The girlfriend tries shouting in the parking lot. 

SARAH LEE

I know who you are! Don’t you try to deny your identity!

The boyfriend tries again. 

THE BOYFRIEND

I am counting to three. 1! 2! 3! 

A beat. 

BOYFRIEND

Who are you?

Cut to black. 


	18. agents everywhere

Cut to black. 

Outside of the movie theatre. Night. 

SYLVIA and SYD sit in the car pensively. Sylvia smokes in the car. Thinking to herself, she turns to SYD. 

SYLVIA   
  


Something wrong? 

  
SYD

Nothing is wrong. 

SYLVIA 

Something is wrong. 

SYD   
  


I’m not telling you.

A beat. Suddenly, SYD speaks. 

SYD   
  


It isn’t fair. 

  
SYLVIA

What is?

  
SYD   
  


Having a disability. It isn’t fair that I’m- I’m 

She blows a smoke ring in the car. 

SYD

So stupid!

SYLVIA

You aren’t stupid.

The two continue to smoke in the car.    
  


SYD   
  


Of course, I am!

SYLVIA   
  


No, you’re not!

SYD

Yes, I am!

SYLVIA

C’mon!

She puts out the cigarette inside the car door.

SYD

It’s like I’m cursed or something! 

SYLVIA   
It could be a lot worse. 

Suddenly, the same woman from previous scenes gets inside the car. She looks like she’s on the brink of getting into an argument. SYLVIA turns around to face the woman. 

SYLVIA

Oh, you’re here. 

Woman

Did I do something wrong? 

Narrator

It appears that Cylde likes getting into arguments with males. However, put him in a room with a female… 

SYLVIA is showing hostility in her tone of voice. She doesn’t seem to understand how her tone of voice can come off as hostile. This causes Cylde to tear up a bit. 

Clyde 

Don’t yell at me. 

SYLVIA   
I’m not yelling at you. 

Clyde

You’re raising your voice at me. 

She begins to cry slightly. 

Clyde 

I have feelings too. 

Sylvia

I am not raising my voice at you. 

Clyde

Yes, you are!

Clyde proceeds to sob. She wipes her nose in the car. Her words become reduced to blubbering. Syd turns around. In the manner of the office, she appears amused at Cyldes blubbering.

SYD

What the hell is going on? 

Clyde

I’m expressing my feelings!

Syd

Why are you crying though?

CLYDE

Wah!

The scene ends

Part two

Man

Who are you?

The girl kneels on the road. The man looks confused. 

Man 

What are you doing?

We cut to her hand. Her hand flattens to rubber. We pan out revealing a car from the late fifties. A roar emits from the car. 

Man

Jesus Christ. 

The man backs up. The knob on the car on the radio turns violently. Phrases from the car turn into an inchrompisible sentence: I just wanted to be loved.” A tire squeals dramatically. 

Man 

Why didn’t you say so?

Syd 

That’s not how this movie works!

A tire squeals. Very awkwardly, the car begins to drive backward. Angry, the car whirls around. 

Syd

Well, nuts. 

Sylvia begins to jiggle the keys. She looks back at the parking lot. In the background, Syd reads the script of this movie being produced. She looks into the mirror. In the background, we see ominously glaring headlights of the car reflecting. We cut to the car awkwardly revving up. Sylvia stomps on the gas pedal. 

Sylvia

Hold on. 

A flash of light. We cut to the Michigan cubicle. Technological, if you like. A slam of the door. Several agents work in the cubicles. The sound of the door opening brings the attention of the agents. The CEO is not pleased. An agent rushes out, papers flying to the floor. 

CEO

Who did this? 

A barrage of smiths looks at him. Uncomfortable. 

CEO

Why is there a sign that reads Smith rules, Ceo smith drools?

A sign reads smith rules, CEO smith drools. Next to the sign, the taxidermied heads of his older sister and the taxidermied heads of his stepbrothers hang close by. Beneath the heads, the caption reads annoying siblings. The culprit, a clone lowers his head in shame. The CEO scowls at him. 

CEO

There is only one punishment for this. 

A gun with the label loss of intelligence appears from his hands. He shoots the clone. The clone is reduced to the intelligence of a caveman. The CEO glares at the other smiths. 

CEO

Ok, Mr. Smith, what now? 

Smith

It seems that we have a glitch. It seems to escape from our zoo. 

The CEO facepalms at this. A girl bangs on the glass case. 

Girl

Let me out!

Smith

I’ll torture smith. 

Ceo

No. 

Onscreen the two begin to walk through the cages. Horror movie characters bang on the glass case. There is loud moaning and groaning from the glass cages. Instead, there is a cage designed for a human. The CEO frowns at this. The CEO is none-too-happy with the human having escaped from the cage.

The unknown lover sits in the inside of the car. 

Lover

What now?

Static rumbles from the car. 

Radio static

Well, I can change shape. 

Lover

No. tell me about yourself. 

Radio

The truth?

Lover

Yes. 

There is a static sigh from the radio. 

Radio 

Well, in 1999, I was free. 

We cut to January 2000. Onscreen, the static speaks. Phrases such as the superbug are gone, ( referring to y2k). Elsewhere we see a man walking in the rain. A flashlight glimmers in the sleet-like rain. It sweeps across the manure colored car from the late fifties. The man notices the car moving around. Instead of flattening him like a pancake, the car continues to hum in the abandoned barn. The author of this story did not read the source material or understood the source material poorly. Offscreen, the man mutters to himself. 

Man

Odd why is it moving? 

The man opens the barn door. It is raining very hard. The question, why if the car is supposed to turn into a human and it is supposed to be a clone, then why the cuss is doing it in the turn of the millennium? The world may never know. Don’t answer that question. The agent applies a large hook attached to a two truck. The car is dragged off-screen. 

INT. Office. The 2000s. 

Smith speaks from the phone. 

Smith

Yes, we’ve got your car. 

The author

What car?

Smith

You know, that car from that book you wrote in 1982. 

The author

Hey man, I wrote that book on several pounds of cocaine. I have no idea what you're talking about. 

The author angrily slams the phone down, ending the conversation. 

Ext. garage. 2001. 

The agent gives a thumbs-up as the beaten-up car is being dragged into the garage. A young adult woman with two Christian-like braids is the next thing that fades into view. The person behind the camera mutters to herself. The vision clears revealing a nervous-looking teenager pacing back and forth. 

The teenager

I have telekinesis. My peers made fun of me. My mama was good to me. Of course, she was good to me. I’m 17. 

Suddenly the glass slowly breaks. 

The unknown woman behind the camera begins to mutter obsessively mutter about her boyfriend. As she begins to mutter the boyfriend's name, the glass begins to shatter into pieces. A man, who we presume to be the janitor with the looks of Keanu reeves, ( in short, he’s very good looking), glares at him with a broom. 

ANDERSON

I am not going to clean up another mess. 

Teenager

Ok, Mr. Anderson. 

The woman behind the camera mutters about her boyfriend. Onscreen, we cut to Andersons slowly scowling face, which is interrupted by the sudden smack of the camera. The bloody nose print is all that remains of what used to be the car. Anderson puts his hand on his hips. 

Anderson

Oh look, someone’s up. 

Woman offscreen

Blood?

Close up of hand. We pan back, with a woman beginning to rub her forehead. Paralyzed, she continues rubbing her nose, now alien to her. The process of becoming human is off. Her actions indicate heavy disorientation. 

Woman

People have hands. I can’t move. 

Smith

Due to a bug. 

Woman

Bug. 

Smith begins to lick his lips. 

Smith

Oh, one more thing. If you happen to experience any negative emotions, you turn back into a car. 

We cut back to Sylvia and Syd in the office. Sylvia has a script for the movie. She scowls at the script. 

Later that day,

The author is looking at the braided woman. 

Author 

You’ve got to be kidding me. 

Onscreen the newly turned woman offers a smile. Her hair is put into a braid. 

CEO

Oh no Mr. Gorph, this is your character. 

Mr. Gorph

Did you slip me some acid?

Ceo

Do you want me to chop off your leg?

Mr. gorph

I’m a seasoned writer. I wouldn’t try it. 

CEO

Great mileage too! My what a beauty!

The author shakes his head. The woman stops smiling. She grows impatient. 

Mr. Gorph

( sarcastically)

Oh, what about the condition? 

Ceo smith

perfect!

Woman 

Don’t do that! I told you not to do that!

The power cuts out. Mr. Gorph looks horrified as the woman turns into a car. Offscreen the woman continues to narrate. 

The woman

Times went by. There were fits of anger...

A year passes. We see the young woman frozen in time. Her eyes widen. We don’t see what she’s watching. Her mouth is agape. Behind her, the glass slowly cracks. The glass behind her slowly expands, growing larger. The movement is like water slowly trickling through a stream. Like pressure causing ice to break, the young telekinetic girl continues to watch the television, in shock. We pan around to reveal that the people are similarly watching the television. Zombie-like. The glass shatters, snapping everyone out of their zombie-like state. Ashamed, The young girl runs out of the cafeteria. There is a large noise coming from the cars outside. The CEO is seen glaring at the incompetent agent. 

CEO

You’re fired!

He gets zapped with the cavemen gun. 

We cut to a young girl tied into a straitjacket. Her cell is made even stronger with metal reinforcement. 

Female narrator

As for me… 

We cut to her cell. Instead of a cell door, a doggy door is nearby, serving as the entrance. 

Female narrator

However, hope remains…

The author stares at the email. Mr. Gorph stares at the email, looking a little confused. The email reads “your car got into a fight”. Mr. Gorph puts his head in his hands. 

EXT. The private school for troubled youngsters. DAY.

Natural lighting. A stuffy looking British white dude ( think of Alfred from batman series) pokes his head out. 

Stuffy British White dude

Right, this way sir. 

INT. Hallway. Day. 

The author looks at his watch. It has been a decade since he has gotten over his cocaine addiction. He sniffs his nose. He looks at the ticking clock. An agent waves him over. He gets up. He walks past glass cages of people. Prisoners pace back and forth. As he walks forth, the young adult puts her hand on the glass. Through the glass, she speaks. 

THE YOUNG ADULT

Help. 

The man looks at the young adult thoughtfully. He has a realization. 

Mr. Gorph. 

Kathrine?

Kathrine

I got angry. When she asked what was wrong, I called her junk. Then she turned into a car. 

Mr. Gorph opens the script to the movie.

Mr. Gorph

Wait shouldn't bullet-time occur at this moment? 

A man speaks offscreen, startling him. 

Smith

Wrong matrix movie buddy. 

Mr. Gorph

Who are you?

The agent does not answer. Instead, he aims his pistol at him. 

Smith

Prepare to meet your maker.

His arm becomes clay-like. The gun clatters to the ground. What used to be his arm is a machine gun. Mr. Gorph leaps into the air. The bullets freeze in the scene. Mr. Gorph ducks as each bullet freezes in the air. His body flies through the air. Essentially, what is happening, the time has stopped. The bullets swim through the air. Mr.Gorph slams to the ground. 

Mr. gorph.

Kathryn, use your telekinesis!

Kathryn

But I’ll turn into an agent!

Mr.Gorph

I don’t care!

cut to black. 


	19. car show

INT. Prison. DAY.

The former car turned into a woman kneels at the prison cell. She is praying. 

Female narrator

Due to my fight with Kathryn, I was placed in an underground holding cell. 

The woman continues to pray.    
  
INT. Prison Hallway. Night. 

The agent and Mr. Gorph run down the hallway. They are stopped by the janitor. Mr. Gorph fumbles with his gun. He aims at the man wearing sunglasses, and a dark suit. 

Mr. Gorph

Talk.

The janitor does not shoot him. In an out of character moment, he puts his gun down. 

Mr. aderson. 

I am Mr. Aderson. 

He gestures to the holding cell. 

Mr. Aderson

Follow me. 

INT. holding cell. 

Inside, Kathryn attempts to transform into a car. Her arms and legs are in a bear position. She looks at her hands. Disappointed that they are not tires she sits back up in resignation. A sharp knock interrupts her thoughts. The trio enters the room. The author opens his suitcase. Mr. Anderson instructs him. 

Mr. Aderson

Type. 

The author does just that. He begins to insert a piece of paper into the typewriter. 

Mr. Aderson

Kaythrn will leave her cell. 

The glass disappears around Kathryn. He brings out a vacuum-like object.  Kathyrn lies down. Mr. Aderson applies the vacuum over her navel. There is a loud sucking noise. Kathryn visibly grimaces as a worm-like creature sucks out of her abdomen. She is about to scream but Mr. Anderson puts a hand over her mouth, muffling her cries for help. Almost biting his hand, Kathryn's screams are softened. The worm sucks through the vacuum. 

Mr. aderson

Now, I’m going to back away. 

He walks towards Mr. Gorph who is typing on his typewriter. The screen flickers for a bit. 

Mr. Aderson

Kathyrn will turn back into a car. 

As he is speaking, Kathryn clutches her stomach. We pan around, her finally stopping. We cut back to Mr. aderson, who looks at her approvingly. 

Mr. aderson

You’ll get her back. 

The author has stopped typing. He stares at the car in shock. Mr. aderson punches him in the shoulder. 

Mr. Aderson

However, you must change the narrative. 

Mr. Gorph

(To self)

How the hell do I do that? 

Mr. Gorph clears his throat. He leans over the typewriter apphrensivly. 

Mr. Gorph

Anthony never loved her. She stalked him. She got over him. However, she is alive and evil. Anthony is not here anymore. 

EXT. France. DAY. 

We cut to a middle-aged man who we assume to be Anthony in his bathrobe. He scratches his chin almost pondering. He is in his garage. 

Anthony

Hmm. I’ll think I’ll go to a crescent. 

He is looking at a fancy Lamborghini. He laughs, acting as if it is his girlfriend. The car rushes towards him menacingly. We cut to the interior of the car. Inside, the gas pedal pushes down. The car rushes towards him. His expression widens horrifyingly before he is smashed into a fine red paste. 

Anthony

Now, Mary, you’re supposed to help me get over that fury! 

Cut to black. 

A waiter wanders over to the french couple eating outside. The girlfriend looks up at the carnage outside. She gasps and vomits. The waiter walks off with 20 bucks in his pocket. 

We cut to outside of the school. Present-day. 

EXT. parking lot. Present-day. 

The boy, who we will call Mitch is staring outside of the parking lot inside of the car from the 1950s. 

MITCH   
How about a car show?

The radio

That was a fail. 

The two drive off into the distance. 

EXT. Michigan office. DAY. 

We cut to the sticker of Michigan. Indicating that the office is in Michigan we cut to a highway sign reading Welcome to Michigan. Inside the gloomy Michigan office, we come across a passive aggressive-looking telemarketer. She gives passing incomers a pod look. Offscreen the phone rings. She picks it up rather aggressively. She gives the viewer a very weary glance. Next to her, a poster of an 80s guitarist as a fossil of her youth hangs nearby. To her right, a calendar of a crass adult cartoon not unlike South park lies next to her. On her monitor several tabs are open. One is a fanfic of Clyde. She closes the tab as the agent walks nearby. 

Agent

That calendar isn’t very appropriate for your cubicle. 

She tears it off. Onscreen, the agent and the CEO are talking in hushed tones. The door slams open as the young woman sobs about her identity being stolen. 

The girlfriend

A DEMONIC CAR STOLE MY CLOTHES AND MY IDENTITY!

The CEO looks up. 

CEO   
Demonic? Red?

The sobbing girl nods frantically. 

CEO   
Smith, get my car. 

The agent rushes off. 

EXT. CAR FAIR. DAY. 

Mitch is leaning over the table. In the background, our two narrators leer at the sight. 

SYD

Should we talk to her?

SYLVIA   
No. lets wait. 

THE CEOS car pulls up. He pulls down his shades. The car does nothing as he steps out of his car. 

The scene ends. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Int. Car show. Day.**

An empty car lot is covered with tape. Evidence of a taken down fair is evident in the parking lot. People are walking in and out. The woman crossing her arms waits impatiently. Boss walks around offscreen. The woman, who proves herself to be quite the control freak disapproves of the chattering about. In the background, The author is flipping through the script of this movie. 

BOSS

Smith, how are your wife and kids?   
  


The agent shoots him a confused look. The BOSS pats him on the shoulder.

BOSS   
Go along or I’ll fire you. 

The control freak loses it. 

THE CONTROL FREAK

Stop! Stop! 

The Boss and the AGENT look up at THE CONTROL FREAK. THE CONTROL FREAK begins to act agitated. She gestures to the camera crew indicating that they should stop filming. We pan out to a film crew. The director sighs impatiently. Visibly frustrated, she snatches a copy of the script. 

Clyde

( agitated)

That’s not right! 

She glares at the screenwriter. She slams the script down. The crew members do nothing as she continues to bark orders. We move to the screenwriter who is rubbing her sweaty eyebrow. Syd begins to walk up, but Sylvia holds her down. Mr. Gorph watch as the female actress raves and rants. 

Cylde

Where are my…

A beat. 

SHe takes a deep breath. Visibly flustered. SHe walks around, hands on hips, bearing a frown. 

Clyde

Where are my…

she slaps her knee indicating unhappiness. Looking at Syd, and Sylvia, she proceeds to tap the area where her male genetial would have been. Her face is showing hostility. Syds face is that of a deer in headlights. Continually spewing, she rushes over to SYD. SYD closes her eyes. Uncomfortable with Cylde’s loud tone of voice, her eyes flash towards the carpeted floor of the truck.

Clyde

Cojones!

She tries again tapping the outside of the car window to get Syds attention. She begins to curse in english. A flash of images. The voice intensifies in volume. A brief static of radio. We cut back to Clyde tapping on the outside of the glass. She snaps her fingers at SYD. 

Clyde

Am I speaking the wrong language? 

Her voice is clearly impatient. She taps the inside of the car louder. Sylvia opens the front window. 

SYLVIA

( whispering)

Lower your voice. 

CLYDE huffs at her. She leans in the window. Almost trembling. She controls it somewhat, holding herself together. Sylvia bares her lower jaw at her. CLYDE's tense knuckles grip the inside of the car. The males look on as the two biggest assholes face off against each other. Syd continues to stim inside of the car. Surrounded by male members of the acting community, Cylde is visibly shaking. It soon becomes clear to all that she does not like female confrontation. Her expression shifts from one of being exposed to irritation. Her back to the crowd, Cylde’s voice wavers, then becomes strong once more. 

CLYDE   
( voice wavering)

You can’t talk to me like that.

SYLVIA

( cont)

Why not?

She rests her hand on the steering wheel. Uncomfortably, Cylde begins to scratch at her skin. 

The scene ends. 


	21. rejected ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evil overlord gives up.

We cut to two cars smashing into each other. The CEO gives a nervous laugh at the two cars smashing into each other. The agent, deep in thought scowls at this. 

Mitch

Demonic cars. He heh heh. You don’t want to know.

He walks over to where the car would have been. The car, slightly smashed up does nothing. The scene grows quiet. The onlookers do nothing as the car remains smashed up. Now free of this demonic car, Mitch walks offscreen. He does not attempt to flirt with the car. A smug look of satisfaction creeps on his face as he walks down the highway. 

We cut to the agent staring at the car. The car remains damaged. The two characters in the car eye the damaged vehicle. The car, now damaged, sits on the curb. Mr.Gorph paces around. He turns to THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT. 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT

What now?

Mr.Gorph grins at this. He surveys the crime scene. 

MR. GORPH

I guess we go home. 

No one is announcing the score. The CEO and the REGULAR AGENT walk offscreen. There is a loud revving of the CEO's vehicle. A smash. We cut to a smashed pile of metal and glass. The CEO proceeds to drive off. 

THE CEO

Wait. watch! watch!

A tire reinflates slowly. A hiss. Metal, and glass reform like rewound film. As if uncrinkling itself, the metal hood becomes hard, refreshed. Mr.Gorphs expression is that of an oh crap. He ushers the newly turned agent inside. The agent looks back, then as if realizing her mistake, looks at Mr. Gorph. 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT

What's the matter?

MR. GORPH

We’ve made her angry. 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT

Angry? 

The car responds to THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT by revving towards her. The agent's car is now obliterated. The agent begins to shout about his destroyed sedan. The agent turns to the scene, but MR. GORPH pulls her inside. He pulls her inside. He tugs on the inside of the car dealership. The author peers through the binds. MITCH comes in. He slams the door, alerting MR. GORPH and THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT. 

MR.GORPH

We’ve got to go. 

MITCH

But my car!

MR.GORPH

( shaking his head)

Don’t worry about her. 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT

We solved a problem, didn’t we?

MITCH

Yes. We did solve one problem. 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT blushes at this. She continues to peer through the blinds. The car flashes. Metal melting like glue. Body becoming soft. Her eyes flashed dangerously as glass turn into slits of light. Glaring. Tires dividing, then multiplying into digits. Engines melt into the abdomen. Grill shifting like plastic eventually becoming hard. Teeth protruding. A woman lies bear position. No clothes. She is lead offscreen in cuffs. She glares at the store. Not resisting, but almost giving up. 

** INT. BUS STATION. NIGHT. **

The trio of characters sits at the bus station. It is getting late. Mitch shoots a glance at the newly turned agent. THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT now uncomfortable with 21st-century commodities shivers. Two twins approach the trio of heroes. 

Twins in unison

Remember how she hurt you? She is evil. I mean once a villain, always a villain. 

Mitch

You don’t know that 

Twins

Yes, we do. She has hurt people…

Mitch tries to intervene. 

Mitch

But...

Twins

She has killed people. She is possessive. 

Mitch

No. no!

He gives a fevered shake of his head. 

Mitch

What about the newly turned agent and her dog? 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT

Mama loved me. She always loved me when she hit me…

A beat. 

We flash to teenagers throwing stuff at NEWLY TURNED AGENT. 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT

Mama always protected me from the outside world. Always throwing tampons at me…

We cut to THE NEWLY TURNED AGENTS mother throwing tampons at her. 

Twins

( in unison)

Now. we must destroy you. 

Unfortunately, their bodies freeze up. 

TWINS

What is going on?

THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT SMILES AT THE TWINS. She runs off with MITCH. 

** INT. DIFFERENT TRAIN STATION. DAY.  **

MITCH AND THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT are speaking. 

MITCH

So what now?

THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT 

I guess we have to wait.

MITCH glances at THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT. 

MITCH 

For what? 

THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT shrugs. 

INT. HOUSE. DAY. 

We cut to Mr. GORPH sipping coffee. He is looking through emails. 

The email reads:

_ Re: Smith school for the strange: _

_ Hello. It is our great regret to inform you that ( name retracted) has not been in school.  _

_ Regards  _

_ Evil overlord.  _

INT. TRAIN STATION. DAY. 

THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT LOOKS AT HER WATCH. 

NEWLY TURNED AGENT

3, 2.. 1..

MR. GORPH pulls up in his sedan. He is glaring at THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT.

INT. MR. GORPHS CAR. DAY. 

MR. GORPH is scolding at the NEWLY TURNED AGENT. Mitch is looking in the back, mortified. 

MR. GORPH

I don’t know what to do with you... 

THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT

( laughing)

MR. GORPH! Your car is in trouble!

MR.GORPH

Oh. it is my car now, is it?

He turns to her. THE NEWLY TURNED AGENT continues to laugh at her. 

** INT. AGENTS prison and school. DAY.  **

The trio is walking into the hallway. Mr. Gorph puts his hands on his desk. 

Mr.GORPH

Evil overlord.

AGENT

Third door on the right. 

** INT. DOOR. DAY.  **

** Knocking on the door. Mr.Gorph bangs on the door.  **

** INT. OFFICE. DAY **

Evil overlord presses his knuckles together. He is looking at the two men. 

Evil overlord

Thanks for the return of the agent. 

Mr. Gorph

I want my car back. 

Evil overlord

She has problems. 

We cut to the car. 

Evil Overlord

She blasts the wrong music at the wrong time. 

We cut to the evil overlord sleeping in his office. He wakes up with a jolt. The alarm clock reads 3 in the morning. Loud generic music from the late 1980s blasts from the car. 

Evil overlord

She has failed her classes. 

Mr. Gorph

Classes. 

He puts his hands in his lap. Shame on the screenwriter for butchering the plot of the greatest movies of the late 90s. The evil overlord walks around the car. He opens the car door. He is behind the wheel. A hot chick is next to him. Before coitus can ensue, the hot chick turns on the radio dial. The dial is 99.9 the river. The dial changes when the couple is making out. Generic fifties music plays. 

HOT CHICK

Oh, I know this song. God, I’m so horny.

We cut back to the evil overlord. 

EVIL OVERLORD

And that's how I lost my virginity. 

Mr.GORPH gives him a blank stare. Evil overlord shuffles his papers. 

EVIL OVERLORD

Oh, the hot chick imploded, and we had to use tranquilizers on her and the car. 

MR. GORPH

How do you tranquilize a car from the late fifties?

THE EVIL OVERLORD shrugs at this. 

EVIL OVERLORD

There's stuff in the car canister. 

We cut back to the couple. The hot chick now drugged wavers on the evil overlord. 

EVIL OVERLORD

There is no way I’m giving you that car. 

THE NEXT DAY.

THE TWINS are in the car. THE evil overlord is hanging in the window. 

TWINS

Thanks, Mr. EVIL OVERLORD.

EVIL OVERLORD

No problem. 

HE continues to lean on the window. The twins giggle in the front seat. 

TWINS

Bet you can’t make the car-mad. 

EVIL OVERLORD

Really? You’re on. 

One of the twins shouts. 

TWIN ONE

Hey, your mother was a 1957 queen dishwasher. 

TWIN TWO

And your father was an 1889 Ford T-model.

The evil overlord shakes his head. 

TWIN ONE

You are as mean as a 1969 lovebug!

Suddenly, one of the twins faces lights up. She begins to smirk. 

TWIN TWO

REMEMBER THAT Piece of shit who dumped you for that other piece of shit? 

EVIL OVERLORD shots his attention towards the second twin. 

EVIL OVERLORD

Watch your mouth, or else it will be filled with lead. 

The car freezes. 

TWIN ONE

Uh, Mr. evil overlord?

A beat. 

TWIN ONE

THE CAR ISN’T MOVING. 

The EVIL OVERLORD gets inside of the car. He looks at the steering wheel. He starts the car up. 

THE EVIL OVERLORD

ARGH!

He puts his head on the steering wheel. The steering wheel begins to vibrate. 

THE EVIL OVERLORD

Kids buckle up!

The twins put in their seatbelts. The car shoots out of the garage. The wheels begin to roar. The evil overlord looks on nervously. 

** INT. police academy. DAY.  **

Police graduation is ensuing. 

Valedictorian

I am forever grateful for the abuse I received. Come up here Dire-ha!

A man who we presume to be Dire-ha, is sobbing. The car from the fifties crashes into the stands. The car from the late fifties rushes past the police officers. Several police officers duck as the car from the fifties crash into the white stands. Dir-eha, sobs as he holds his slain member. 

** EXT. POLICE ACADEMY. DAY. **

A chase ensues. We cut to the cop who walks up to the car. The evil overlord scowls as he is written a ticket. 


End file.
